Self Doubt

I've been having one of those weeks when I question everything about myself...am I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough? And more importantly, does it even matter? Does anyone (other than myself) give a damn? Probably not, which is the conclusion I usually come to once I've gained some perspective. I'm grateful to have a good head on my shoulders because the world moves FAST. Faster than I've ever known and we're constantly, (at least in the business world), having to make ourselves relevant. What do I bring to the table? What have you done for me lately mentality?

I work for a very large corporation...something like 75,000 employees. And this week I've been in Minneapolis at a Legal and Regulatory Leadership Meeting--surrounded by lawyers with degrees from Harvard, Yale, Georgetown, etc. It's an intimidating crowd and I've felt lost in the mix. I'm not afraid to admit my vulnerability--it's what makes me real and grounded. And as I stood there last night at the Walker Art Center, as the wall flower (with a glass of red wine in my hand), I knew deep inside there were others feeling just as uncomfortable and unsure as I felt at that moment. The only difference being that they were able to fake it better than I could.

I don't like small talk with people I don't know. I never know what to say or what questions to ask. I'd rather sit back and observe. My observations always speak the truth to me and calm any anxieties I may have. Body language--it says a lot.

And I find comfort in the fact that tomorrow I get to fly home and go back to my safe haven of my home office and the people, animals and things that I know and love. And as Eleanor Roosevelt once said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And I'm no longer giving my consent because I know I deserve better. We all do.